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As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.